simon

all that happened, i still fuckin' adore you.
i've given up all pretense at protecting the ego, i put your sweet smiling face on my desktop and i smile watching your face,  heavy lids, arms, hands, waist... like i don't see it all in detail in my mind's eye..
i smile at you like you haven't torn me to pieces at all.. i don't want to think of the good things cuz they hurt too much, and don't want to think of the bad things cuz i've erased most of them so they wouldn't hurt.. i just am, i guess..
tears blur my sight as i write this, but i don't feel resentment, i don't feel rage, i don't feel much, really.. i adore you and i'm just a little sad.. hell, sadness is my basic emotion.. so no harm done, i guess..
does that make me weird? stupid? pathetic? sweet? half dead? inhuman? half-human? or just in denial..
who the fuck am i??